The Person I Loved Isn't the Person Who Left

What moving on really means, and why you don't have to forget to do it.

Move on. It's a big term. Well, not when we spell it. But surely when it's our time to go through this phase.

I was in love with a girl; of course, I won't name her. Let's call her "A". Pretty lame to denote her with a letter, but we can make do with it. So, I have this pure love for "A", but she never had it for me, which was totally fine. A series of events unfolded, and when it was time to cut off temporarily to give myself some space, the other party confessed that they had developed some feelings too, or that's what they said.

Conversations were sweet, heartfelt. Until one day, they weren't. And then another, and another, and another, until she finally said it was impossible. Impossible. It was a pretty big word for me.

I entered the move-on phase. Tried my best. Couldn't make it. Things kept getting worse for me.

And finally, one day, I came to know about the lies. The hidden things. That was it, my breaking point. The period that followed was painful. The nights seemed longer than they really were. Even after cutting off forever, things never seemed to work.

Until one day, while scrolling through Instagram, I came across a reel. I won't go into the details, but it taught me something important. Something valuable. Something that had the guts to turn me from a miserable guy, missing her badly and frustrated all the time, into a charming guy who's lively and happy.

It seems to be a pretty small thing, but it matters a lot. And if I have to say it in a single line, it would go like this:

"I don't love the person who hurt me. I love the person I knew before she became a stranger."

What does it mean?

Let me try to make it make sense. When I say I love "A", is it the one who left, or the one I met a few years ago? It's the latter, of course.

But what does it mean?

It means I am miserable not because she became a stranger, but because the feelings I have for her, the good memories we had, and the qualities I loved to see in her are becoming strangers. So, it's not about the person. It's about the things I associate with that person. My feelings were never wrong, and neither were my intentions or the memories. So, why do I have to get rid of them? That's the million-dollar question, and it makes all the difference.

What moving on means to me

And this leads to what I interpret moving on as:

• I am allowed to keep the memories.
• I am allowed to acknowledge the feelings.
• I am allowed to keep the photographs.
• I am allowed to give the "A" I love the place she deserves.

What I choose not to do is dwell on the bad stuff and the one who left.

The one I loved is "A" with the good things: the pure feelings and the sweet memories. The one I cut off forever from my life is "A" with the bad stuff: the lies and the uncertainties, among others.

In the end

Now, to cut straight to the point:

"Maybe moving on isn't about forgetting the person we loved or burying the feelings we still carry. Maybe it's about accepting that the person we loved belongs to a chapter that has ended, and learning to let them remain there. We can cherish the memories, honor the love we once felt, and still choose to walk away from the person who hurt us. Because moving on isn't about pretending the past meant nothing. It's about accepting that it meant something, that it mattered, and that it no longer has to define our present."